So last Tuesday I’m scrolling through this astrology forum, right? And I spot this headline: * aries love horoscope tips find your perfect match. My first thought? “This sounds like total nonsense.” But hey, I run a blog about trying stuff, so screw it – let’s test-drive these Aries love tips for a week.
Step 1: Downloading Gibberish & Making a Plan
I pulled up the site. Honestly, it looked like my aunt’s MySpace page from 2007. Full of sparkly GIFs and 🔥 emojis. The “tips” basically boiled down to:
- Find fire signs or air signs ONLY (Leo, Sagittarius, Gemini, Libra, Aquarius)
- Be SUPER direct when flirting (no games, ever)
- Plan “adrenaline dates” – nothing boring
- Always take the lead in dating situations
I grabbed my notebook and scribbled: Must approach strangers, Must suggest wild date ideas, Must ONLY talk to fire/air peeps. Felt ridiculous already.
Step 2: The Awkward Flirting Experiment
Thursday night, I hit my regular coffee spot. Saw a dude with a Sagittarius symbol tattoo (lucky!). Walked straight up like the “be direct” rule demanded. Went like this:
- Me: “Hey. I’m testing astrology dating tips. You single?”
- Him: chokes on latte “…Uh, kinda?”
- Me: “Cool. Sagittarius, right? We’re apparently a good match. Wanna go skydiving Saturday?”
He stared. Laughed nervously. Said he was “free but terrified of heights.” Epic fail. My Aries “passion” probably looked like a kidnapping attempt.
Step 3: The Disaster Double Date
My buddy Dave’s a Leo (fire sign!), his wife’s a Gemini (air sign!). PERFECT test subjects, right? Told ‘em we HAD to do an “adrenaline date.” Convinced them to try indoor rock climbing.
Dave (Leo ego) got stuck halfway up a wall, panicked, and yelled at the instructor. His wife (Gemini brain) got bored after 10 minutes, sat down, and ordered DoorDash TO THE GYM. I spent $68 on harness rentals watching them bicker about why Dave “never commits to the climb.” Zero sparks. Just secondhand embarrassment.
Step 4: Forcing the “Lead” Role
Sunday funday brunch. Met a friend-of-a-friend, a cute Libra. “Always take the lead,” the horoscope insisted. Ordered for us both without asking her preferences (“Surprise! It’s adventurous!”), picked the hike route later, even tried to pick her damn outfit for mini-golf (“Bright red! For passion!”).
She ghosted me before dessert arrived. Shocker.
My Final Takeaway
Look. Maybe moon phases or planetary alignments have some vibe. But picking partners based SOLELY on zodiac signs? Absolute garbage. That week I felt like a pushy, over-caffeinated weirdo alien. Forced chemistry doesn’t exist. Finding a good match needs messy, human things – talking, listening, shared humor, mutual respect – not astrology dot-com formulas.
Also, never suggest skydiving as a first date. Ever.
