August 13th astrology love meanings (Boost your romance today!)
Alright so I woke up thinking ’bout today’s love horoscope deal. Saw Leo vibes screaming “express yourself!” Got me scratching my head like, how’s that romantic advice? Still, thought I’d give it a spin.
My Morning Mess-Up
First thing, tried making heart-shaped pancakes for breakfast. Figured food = love, right?Burnt the damn things black. Smoke alarm went bananas. Roommate yelled “Fire drill?!” from his cave. Scraped that charcoal into trash while coughing. Zero points for romance there.
Attempt Number Two
Astrology tip said “surprise your partner”. So I dug through junk drawer for stamps. Found dusty ‘I Love You’ card from last Valentine’s. Crossed out old date, scribbled today’s date instead.Licked envelope flap – tasted like pennies. Dropped it in mailbox thinking “This might backfire”.
- Forgot to put return address
- Used her work address (she hates mail at work)
- Card smelled like old pizza from drawer
Afternoon Disaster
Moon sign said “ideal time for deep talks”. Took my girlfriend to coffee shop.Spilled latte all over her white shirt while leaning in. Tried wiping with napkins just made brown stains bigger. Awkward silence hit like brick.She just stared at me blinking slow. Finished coffees watching barista wipe counters. Deep talk? Nah.
Evening Hail Mary
Saw “cosmic alignment favors grand gestures” online. Ran to grocery store.Bought every damn rose they had – twelve sad droopy ones. Scattered petals from door to bedroom. Lit candles everywhere like funeral parlor.Cat immediately ate three petals. Girlfriend walked in sneezing from pollen cloud. Saw candles, yelled “FIRE HAZARD!” blew them all out. We ordered pizza watching cat puke rose petals.
Final score? Leo advice = 0, Reality = 10. Guess Mercury forgot to cc me today. Still ate cold pizza though. Tomorrow’s another day.