So this morning I’m scrolling through my phone with one hand while burning toast with the other – typical Monday crap, right? Stumbled on this weekly horoscope thing screaming “ARIES! CAREER WINS TODAY!” Got me thinking ’bout that stupid analytics dashboard project collecting dust since January. Figured what the hell, let’s ride this astrology wave.
First Move: Shoving My Way Into Meetings
Opened my laptop and immediately crashed three calendar invites onto people. Didn’t ask – just booked 15-minute slots titled “URGENT: Dashboard Revival”. My boss? Yeah, his schedule showed “Focus Time”. Sent it anyway. That “take initiative” horoscope line buzzing in my skull like cheap tequila regrets.
Actual Disaster Hour
First meeting with Sarah from Engineering:
- Screen-shared that nasty spreadsheet full of #REF! errors
- Told her “We doing this TODAY” like some motivational meme
- She sighed heavy enough to fog my webcam
Boss call was worse. His camera stayed off. Voice all gravelly: “Why’s this priority one?” Panic-sweat pooled under my headphones. Then remembered the horoscope’s “bold honesty” bit.
Blurted out: “Cause Kyle’s team keeps guessing revenue numbers wrong. And it’s embarrassing in exec meetings.” Silence. So much silence I heard my fridge humming.
“Send mockups by 3PM” he grunted before disappearing.
Whiteboard Wrestling
Scrounged half-dried markers and went full caveman on the glass:
- Smeared green lines for cash flow
- Drew angry red X’s on useless metrics
- Stuck Post-its screaming “PROFIT HERE!”
Snapped photos looking like toddler scribbles. Attached them with the subject: “MOCKS DONE. FEEDBACK NOW.” Sent to everyone including Kyle’s nemesis in Finance.
Chaos Pays Off?
2:47PM. Slack explodes:
- Kyle: “WTF IS THIS?”
- Finance lady: “ACTUALLY… that revenue projection bar makes sense”
- Boss: “Move to phase one. Keep it lean.”
My coffee’s cold. My toast is charcoal. But that stupid horoscope? Nailed it. Sometimes you just gotta body-slam the damn roadblocks.
